Life and death of puppies

Over the past couple of months, two puppies died on me.

The first one was called Jade, Casper's sister (the only puppy I have with me now), who died a bit more than a month ago after we took her to see a vet in Wanchai Animal Clinic for minor bacteria infection on her tail. The vet put one of those dog collars on her, and she had been shivering to death (I think). She was so afraid, and probably had a heart attack, but we could never be sure as I did not ask for an autopsy. She could still be alive if I took the collar off (a bit too late now for feeling sorry for not doing it then...)

The second one was Hollie, or Holly, who died last week. We adopted her to be a friend of Casper when she was about two and a half months old (10 - 12 weeks), and only had one vaccine against some of puppies' deadly deceases. It turned out that by the second day that she was with us, she already developed severe diarrhea and was unable to eat or drink. We took her to see a vet around midnight of the second day that she came to live with us, and the vet diagnosed that she suffered from a very dangerous virus infection (for dogs) called "Pavo...something". It was likely that she already had the virus with her even when she was with the breeder (i.e. even before she was given to the pet shop, before the pet shop gave her to us). So that night we went back to the pet shop and asked the pet shop and the breeder to look after her until she got better and became 100% healthy. Before Chinese New Year, we got her back, and even took her to see our "new" vet again (about 10 days ago), and the vet said that she was fine. After a couple of days she suffered from flu and probably bacteria infection and we gave her medicines and things for a week.

Then one morning after the second day that I put her to sleep in the same cage as Casper she didn't "fully" wake up. Somehow she slept under a pillow, and Casper unknowingly slept on top of that pillow, so she might have been squashed between the mat and the pillow, and was unable to move, and...probably lost all energy, and was unable to bark or cry. I went to sleep around 3:30am in the morning and did not find anything unusual, not until the morning when our helper, Avi, came to pick the pups up to go toileting. When our helper, Avi, took Holly to the vet in the early morning after she sensed that she was in a very weak state, it was already too late.

I guess I had to blame myself for not being careful enough especially with small and sick puppies, and I guess I also had to blame the pet shop as well as the breeder for not taking care of the pups properly, even before giving Holly back to us before the Chinese New Year (why the rush). I have a very bad experience with raising young pups, as well as with pet shops and dog breeders here. No point putting all the blame to everybody else, as I also should have known better.

Metta and Upekka at work

Metta (loving-kindness, compassion) is only one of the four Brahma Viharas. There is also Upekka (equanimity). Sometimes we need both in dealing with office things...

I think we should not expect good treatments from everyone just because we have compassion and do not have any harmful feelings for them. People's actions are driven by goodness, kindness as well as greed, anger, hatred, delusion, etc, so naturally we should expect to see them being nice and sometime being super nasty! If some people at work do not show their negative sides, that is something, and perhaps there is something we can learn from them.

When you have compassion for other beings, don't expect anything in return.

When you are in a position that you have been treated badly, or rudely, and feel confused as to what you should do in such situation, then establish Upekka (equanimity) as the state of mind (but don't fall into a trap of doing unwholesome things under the banner of Upekka though).

Just a bunch of kilasas...

Back to work (2)

I have been working in Hong Kong for almost a year now, and from the beginning the relationship between myself and my direct report has been nothing but ideal. The "friction" of work began to build up since the first few weeks that I was in Hong Kong (although at a personal level, the Direct Report is a very nice person), and I know that this can only lead to bad ending, whether it will be in this year, or for next year.

I have been in working in middle management roles for more than 4 years, so I could smell something funny going since the middle of this year. I tried to stick around, kept my head low and did my best, but this proved to have no material positive impact. So as the end of the year is just round the corner, I come to a point that that I have to make a decision - "stick" or "move". I have decided that "moving" is a good idea, both for my health and for work in general. So I put things in motion, asking my boss (not the line manager, but the head of our group) that I either be relocated inside the Department in Hong Kong, or moved back to Thailand, but I would not stay were I was. A few days ago it was confirmed that I will join another team in the department in Hong Kong.

Anyway, as my contract is 2 years (although this can be change any time), there is one more year to go.

For me, sometimes one can go on and on and try to "blend" and "tune" into what one's direct report wants. The problem is that I have problems with his "wanting". I work for my employee, the bank, not for any individuals. It is best that I move on, rather than continue to stick on and bring suffering to myself and my family, and create more unnecessary friction with my previous line manager.

In today's office live, I believe one has to balance between work strategies, goal, and practicing Buddhism. When one works, one should work to his best efforts, but also have to ensure that it is within the boundary of the Buddha's eighthfold path. I hope I have made the right decision.

Back to work (1)

Well, I am now back in Hong Kong to work today after a week of leave for my grandma's funeral. I wanted to post more quite a few times but found no time to do so.

It was a bit of a "shock" to be back at work. With all that was happening here at the office before and after I went back to Thailand, I was expecting something, some surprises, when I got back. The morning has been surprisingly normal, although I could sense some "tension" between "me" and my colleagues who sat around the area. The mega surprise came in the afternoon though, when I notice something funny. More about this later.

Anicca of workplace....!!!